The end of a love story can be a very painful event, to the point where we feel completely overwhelmed and hopeless to try again happiness. We find together some tips that can help us overcome this period of intense suffering.
Nights past the bed, swollen eyes of tears. You do not eat anymore, and the little you eat does not taste anymore, it does not give you any more pleasure. No smile, no hint, and you think you cannot do it anymore. Everything reminds you of the person who was there before, but now there is no more. You hear only a huge, scary, and unmistakable void made of questions, regrets, fears.
When a relationship breaks, everything else collapses. Dreams, hopes, even ordinary daily life: everything is shattered. Everything is questioned: your sense of security, your self-esteem, your sexuality, your relationships with others, your role in the world. It feels confused, isolated, scared for a future so different from what had been imagined.
“How will my life now be? What about me? Will I ever go out? How do I get started?” Thousands of doubts and a thousand questions, but no certainty apart from the pain for a love that is no longer.
What to do when a relationship ends? How do you get your life back and overcome all this?
The end of a love story is a real mourning. It’s the loss of a person important to us and who is no longer part of our lives, even though he is still alive. But mourning is not just for the loss of that person: it is also the loss of a lifestyle, of constant support at an emotional, social, sometimes even economic level. And then there is the loss of hopes, dreams, and plans for a future that is now seemingly uncertain and scary.
The emotions associated with these losses are scary. They are so intense that it seems they cannot stand it in any way, and above all they seem to never end. Even wanting, you cannot set aside. Of course, you can pretend to be good, to have the hard zest, but within those emotions, they stay and scream loudly. The best thing is to let them flow, however painful it may be. Let the mourning make its course.
Easier to say than to do, but there is something we can do to encourage this process …
- Do not choke your emotions: We are not talking about sadness, but also anger, resentment, fear, confusion: it is important to recognize what we are trying to do and not deny what we feel. Ignoring these and other emotions has no other effect than prolonging the processing process, and therefore prolonging their stay. Remember that these emotions will not be forever: over time, you will feel less and less intense.
- Express what you feel: Talking to others about their own emotions can be difficult regardless, but in a situation of loss can really make a difference. Sharing your pain with whoever wants you will lighten your burden will make you feel less alone. Another possibility is to put in writing what you’re trying to do, but be careful not to reread over and over again on paper: there is a risk of being sucked back into the whirl. Better a good friend.
- Do not upset your life: When you feel you have lost everything, the temptation to change cities, work, friends or anything else is very strong. As if changing air would also change what you are trying to do. But there is pain, strong and upsetting, to the point that you do not think about it with clarity: avoid doing big changes in your life, take the time to figure out what’s best for you and your future.
- Remember that the goal is better: Recognizing and expressing what you feel is good, but do not let yourself be dragged from destructive emotions like anger, resentment and guilt; they will only keep you in the valley of tears. Do not worry too much about what happened and do not give in to the impulse to want to analyze it in every little detail, especially at the beginning. Focus on what you can do to be better.